singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
