And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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