i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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