"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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