Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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