Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
