I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
