There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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