youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
4 words: hood of his car
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
