Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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