Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
