3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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