Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
