She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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