I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
