I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
