so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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