we're chasing vodka with high fives
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
