Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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