Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
