if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
