At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
And then he peed in my hair
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