his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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