was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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