Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
