why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
