I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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