Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
