my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
