I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
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How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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