You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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