Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
