I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
