covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
