My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
