I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
