drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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