My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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