So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
