Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't deserve a penis
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
