Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
