Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
