all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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