I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
