Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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