Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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