i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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