Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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