Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
