Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
