my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
