I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
