Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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