D3 body, D1 cock
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
