I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
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You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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