you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
