I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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