so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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