Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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