I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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