I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just puked most of my soul out..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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