Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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