I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
