shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
they're like a gay fantastic four
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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