508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
