There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
