Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
