just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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