I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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