Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
