Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
