Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
