i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
