Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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