The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I need to stop coming to work sober
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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