She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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