you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
