his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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