It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
