A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
