I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
