You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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