My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Someone signed my nipple.
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