I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Houston, we have a blender
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
