i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
