So drunk its hurt
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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