I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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