i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
