Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
