I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize