i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
